On the Fourth of July, I was watching Syfy’s annual Twilight Zone marathon, and somewhere between “The Changing of the Guard” and “A Stop At Willoughby”, I got a craving for some good, old-fashioned soul food. So I pulled out my copy of Vegan With a Vengeance, looked up Isa’s Jerk Seitan recipe, and… Put the book back down. It was a good start, but I realized I didn’t want jerk so much as I wanted something that would set off the alarms at the fire station five blocks from my house. I wanted something SPICY.
So, using Isa’s jerk recipe as a launchpad, I came up with a sauce that satisfied both my need for spice and my craving for good American food on America’s Birthday and Blowing-Sparkly-Shit-Up Extravaganza. And who knows? Maybe someday, when us vegfolk conquer the world (you know we will, and it will be *OMNOMNOM*), this will replace the standard, over-priced hotdogs and hamburgers as Fourth of July fare. Even better, no paying $6 for a bowl of it! It’s a win-win!
[There was going to be a picture here, but my new camera is the stupidest thing I have ever used. What kind of idiotic camera doesn’t have an option to manually import pictures?! *grrr*]
Note: When I say this sauce is spicy, I mean it. If you’d like to tone down the spice, omit the jalapeno and/or halve the hot sauce. If you’d like it spicier (strange, but to each his own), add another jalapeno, or bump it up with a serrano or Scotch bonnet/habanero.
Ingredients
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ of a large onion, sliced into half-moons
½ teaspoon hot pepper flakes
3 cloves of garlic, pressed
1 cup ketchup
¼ cup hot sauce (Tabasco is vegan; if you’d like, you can substitute 2 tablespoons of sriracha)
¾ cup vegetable stock
¼ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon sugar (organic sugar tends to be vegan)
1 jalapeno, halved, seeded, and sliced into thin strips
1 lb seitan, sliced into thin strips
2 cups white rice (I used basmati, but any kind will do), cooked according to package directions.
Method
1. Chop the onions, then heat your oil in a medium saucepan over medium-low heat for about a minute. Add the onions and cook for two minutes. Add the hot pepper flakes and cook for another eight minutes, or until the onion is translucent. Add the garlic and cook for a minute.
…It just occurred to me that a few of you are wondering what it means to press garlic. This is a garlic press:
Source: only-cookware.com
And this thing is, like, so cool; you don’t have to peel the garlic before you put it in! Isn’t that awesome? You just pop the clove in, position the press, and squeeze! It’s one of the best kitchen tools ever invented, especially if you’re like me and you hate to mince garlic (for insert various, whiny, totally-not-worth-whining-about reasons here).
So now you know. And you should buy a garlic press; I promise, you will never regret it.
2. Add the ketchup, hot sauce, stock, spices, and jalapenos and cook, stirring, for about three minutes, or until the sauce is heated through.
3. Stir in the seitan strips, making sure they’re all coated. Cover and turn the heat down to a simmer. Let the seitan simmer for an hour, and serve hot over rice.
This dish re-heats nicely, and it also stands up pretty well at room temperature.
And do you know what else stands up pretty well? Donating to the Harry Potter Alliance! The HPA is a registered non-profit organization, whose slogan is “The Weapon We Have Is Love”. Using this weapon, HPA’s goal is to make a better, safer world for us and future generations to live in. They fight for LGBT rights, fair wages, clean drinking water, ending world hunger, and giving books to children in need. And those are just a few of their causes.
For more about the HPA, read this member’s story. For more information from HPA, check out their website. To make a pledge, simply email me at TheVeggieGoth@gmail.com, and remember: I’m matching pledges.
A Little to the Left 
